Knocks You Down

Dated: 8/16/09 (late post, no wireless internet at the beach)

We arrived in the Outer Banks yesterday, in Duck, after an approximately 11 hour drive. Mapquest estimated it at 5 hours and some change. Because of our departure time I could not do the distance run with the team in training group, so I scheduled the run for this morning at the beach. 14 miles. Over half a marathon. You know, there are actually half-marathon races. So basically I was supposed to run a half-marathon plus 9/10 of a mile this morning. Regrettably, despite all the confidence and assuredness I displayed in my last blog, I failed. Then I cried.

I have a tendency to analyze everything to death and I have decided that there are several reasons I failed. In fact, last night I predicted this morning’s failure – which is in itself one of the many reasons I failed. I have compiled a top ten list.

10. Ate Fast Food. Between getting ready to go to the beach and driving to the beach I ate fast food more times in the last two days than I have in the last two months. Thankfully I do not have access to a scale currently and can be blissfully unaware of the damage caused by the likes of fish fillet sandwiches and beachfront pizzeria pizza slices.

9. Not Enough Sleep. Again, between getting ready to go to the beach and getting here so late last night, I also slept less in the past two days than has been the case since I was suffering from insomnia.

8. IPod Battery Died. Obviously I was running alone, so I brought my IPod along to keep me company for the over three hours I estimated that the run was going to take. The battery died somewhere during mile 2 or 3. Instead of the welcome distraction that it usually provides, I had the pleasure of stuffing it into the horrific water belt. I could not put it into the little pouch thing because my cell phone was there, so I had to shove it into one of the elastic straps for the water containers, and it would periodically start whipping me with the headphones as they slipped out.

7. Not Enough Water. Related to reason #10, I spent two days reverting to old habits of coke drinking, and did not even supplement my beverage choice with an occasional bottle of water.

6. Potty Break. When I reached my turn-around point at mile 7 I had to go to the bathroom. Shocking I know. Fortunately, my turn-around landmark was a hotel. Unfortunately, it was set off the road a little bit and it took probably 2-3 minutes to get inside, a few minutes in the restroom, then another 2-3 minutes to get back to the road. Ultimately, it amounted to a 10 minute potty break in the dead middle of the longest run of my life. My body thought it was over, that I was done. Clearly an unanticipated variable in the ongoing negotiations between my brain and my body.

5. Not Running Enough Last Week. Sunday I took off. Monday I ran one lap (1.25 miles) around the lake, then was coaxed into doing a yoga class at the gym. Tuesday I ran four miles on the trail. Wednesday I went to the gym and did an ab workout and 30 minutes on the stair climber machine. Thursday I ran one lap around the lake, and then went to my regular core strength class at the gym. Friday I did nothing - I got everything ready for the beach. Saturday I did nothing – I drove to the beach.

4. Driving the Route Last Night. Because there are not consistent mile markers along the beach road I was going to be running on, I had to go out last night after we had unpacked and drive the route so I would know where I was going and where I needed to turn around. The speed limit is 35mph, and I swear that just the first 7 miles out took almost 20 minutes. I was watching the odometer by the tenth of a mile, and it took forever. Every other distance run has been along a running/cycling trail, with mile markers every half mile, and you absolutely never drive the exact route you are running, it is impossible. Now, not only do I know far 14 miles really is, I also know why no one ever drives the route that they are going to have to run. Additionally, with the lack of mile markers along the way, it was impossible for me to have any idea of how far I had gone or how much further I was going to have to go (other than when I reached the turn-around), which was supremely frustrating.

3. Lack of Intrinsic Motivation. I am afraid that I perform better when I have someone else to please or something to prove, in this case, my former trainer or my mentor. Today the only person that I was really accountable to was myself, and I failed. This is a major problem, because it cannot be solved with simple analysis, decision, or action.

2. Predicted Failure. About 9 hours into the 11 hour drive, before some of the top ten list even existed, I predicted that I would fail. As soon as I said it, naturally at the same time I was thinking it, I knew that I had committed a mortal sin. Everyone says it, because it is true, distance running (or any other endurance event) is almost entirely mental. You don’t have to believe you can do it, you must know that you can do it; it is just not enough to want to do it, or hope to do it, you cannot just pray about it. You have to know it. The second you do not know it you are done. I was done at about 7pm last night, despite the fact that I didn’t actually quit until 10.5 miles into the run.

1. Without Failure There Cannot Be Success. How does one know hot if they do not know cold? How can there be light without dark? In the same sense, what is the value of victory if one has not also experienced defeat? I am sure that there are all sorts of quotations about success and about failure, but without my only source of information (the internet, and there is no wireless in our beach house) I am left with what I remember (not much). In the second most memorable scene from Jerry McGuire (no, I do not want to debate the merit of Jerry McGuire having memorable scenes) when they are in the locker room and Tom Cruise does the whole “help me help you” monologue, there is a hard to read sign in the background which reads, “Success is simply getting up one more time than you are knocked down.” I am going to get back up and re-run the 14 miles on Wednesday morning.